My mother's gift
On the last day of school, as I was leaving, my co-worker and good friend gave me a hug and said "Don't fight with your mother!"
I rather sheepishly replied "I'll try" but she looked at me hard and repeated "Don't fight with your mother."
She knew that the last time I went to Arizona to visit, my mother and I fought almost constantly. I returned home feeling absolutely miserable. My parents are both in their early eighties, and quite frankly, we don't have time for all this drama! Every time I visit, I realize that it is possibly the last time I will see them. To leave with such negativity hanging over our relationship depressed me for weeks.
My friend was right. I needed to not fight with Mom. Grant keeps reminding me to cut her some slack; remember that she's 83; don't let her get to you. My sister does the same. It's just that my mom and I drive each other mad. I honestly think that the one thing that has saved our relationship is that I moved 3,000 miles away. We can appreciate each other now in ways we could never before. Because, before, we were just pissing each other off.
Whenever I hear a woman say "Oh, my mom is my best friend!" I am...well... incredulous. It's not that I don't believe her, it's just that I can't imagine what that feels like. I love my mother. I even like her most of the time. But she has never been my friend. My adversary, yes. My critic, certainly. My mirror? Reluctantly conceded. But never my friend.
Anyway, our history is difficult to relinquish, even over a short span of days. But this Christmas, we managed it. We didn't fight. There were no tears, no yelling, and I left feeling like I had spent happy times with my parents. My mother even gave me a gorgeous diamond lavalier that she had been given when she was young, because she told me that she knew I would appreciate and cherish it as she had.
As I grow older, and more like her, I look for the things in her that are lovable. I want to find those things in myself: her love of cooking and good books, her talent for finding unique jewelry and clothes, her patience and joy in the presence of children, her intelligence and passion, her commitment to her marriage of 54 years and the strength that enabled her to survive the loss of two children. She can give me all the jewelry she wants, but I know that these are my true inheritance from her.
I rather sheepishly replied "I'll try" but she looked at me hard and repeated "Don't fight with your mother."
She knew that the last time I went to Arizona to visit, my mother and I fought almost constantly. I returned home feeling absolutely miserable. My parents are both in their early eighties, and quite frankly, we don't have time for all this drama! Every time I visit, I realize that it is possibly the last time I will see them. To leave with such negativity hanging over our relationship depressed me for weeks.
My friend was right. I needed to not fight with Mom. Grant keeps reminding me to cut her some slack; remember that she's 83; don't let her get to you. My sister does the same. It's just that my mom and I drive each other mad. I honestly think that the one thing that has saved our relationship is that I moved 3,000 miles away. We can appreciate each other now in ways we could never before. Because, before, we were just pissing each other off.
Whenever I hear a woman say "Oh, my mom is my best friend!" I am...well... incredulous. It's not that I don't believe her, it's just that I can't imagine what that feels like. I love my mother. I even like her most of the time. But she has never been my friend. My adversary, yes. My critic, certainly. My mirror? Reluctantly conceded. But never my friend.
Anyway, our history is difficult to relinquish, even over a short span of days. But this Christmas, we managed it. We didn't fight. There were no tears, no yelling, and I left feeling like I had spent happy times with my parents. My mother even gave me a gorgeous diamond lavalier that she had been given when she was young, because she told me that she knew I would appreciate and cherish it as she had.
As I grow older, and more like her, I look for the things in her that are lovable. I want to find those things in myself: her love of cooking and good books, her talent for finding unique jewelry and clothes, her patience and joy in the presence of children, her intelligence and passion, her commitment to her marriage of 54 years and the strength that enabled her to survive the loss of two children. She can give me all the jewelry she wants, but I know that these are my true inheritance from her.
posted by allison | 9:47 PM
1 Comments:
Sometimes, people who are similar in thoughts/habits etc just rub. Friction occurs, and arguments break out. Not getting on with your mother doesn't mean she's a bad eprson, or you, and every time you mention not getting on with her (that I've read), you've usually said how much you respect her, or how the relationship has improved with distance.
Kisses,
Callie
Post a Comment
<< Home